Saturday, July 14, 2012

So Yesterday...

My mom went on a whole rant about how she never abused me and I’m full of shit. While going on this rant she also admitted to a couple times that she did in fact beat me (incidents I don’t remember), but said she couldn’t remember all the ones I did remember. So therefore, they’re all lies and I’m delusional. She also bitched about an incident when I was in 5th grade. A girl in my class told the teacher that my mom beat me, teacher reported it, me and my older sister where sent to the office where CPS looked at us, didn’t find any marks and we both stuck with our stories that she spanked us when we were brats, but didn’t beat us. CPS also interviewed mom and Nana, they denied everything. The case was dropped. Mom actually beat me that night, I remember being thrown, then waking up on Nana’s bed. But aparently, according to mom, that never happened. Funny, since Nana had remembered it, so did two of my aunts who weren’t even there at the time, but no one will say anything to mom. She also bitched about how pissed off everyone still is about it and how dare I tell the teacher that. I’ve come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter how much I tell them my side, it will never be heard.

She went on and on bitching about me, until I finally managed to break in and turn the conversation to the topic on hand, talking about a friend and her family and contemplating why she seems to be so self conscience and such low self esteem when she really shouldn’t.

I’m glad I was able to do that because I know, she would have continued on and defended my ex-husband and blamed everything on me. For those that don’t know, my ex-husband (my daughter’s father) was abusive. I never wanted to marry him, but due to some unfortunate circumstances, I did. After a year of marriage I became pregnant, he told me to “get rid of it”, and that’s when I snapped and said no. Then the abuse went from just mental and verbal to those plus physical and sexual. I finally managed to get out when my daughter was 4 months old. I got restraining orders on him, but since I had fled to another state, I couldn’t press charges. When I left, that night, I asked the police for help finding a shelter or just some type of help, they encouraged me to go back to him because we were married and a family. I kept driving until I was about 200 miles away, found a motel, and after getting us in there, made sure no one could see in through the windows and that they could not be opened, checked the locks on the door and blocked it. Next day, I just kept on, putting as much distance as possible between us and him, never knowing if he would get his family to help bring us back as they had all threatened to do before. Then upon finally getting here, the police wouldn’t charge him because it would be too much trouble. They also wouldn’t help me with a restraining order. I went to the courthouse and did it myself, luckily there was a girl there that gave me the number to place that would help. Resources Inc. They helped me with legal advice and helped me file for the divorce. After the divorce of finalized, a couple of the counselors got me help with S.A.F.E. House. I was the first person to not live at the shelter to receive counseling there. I owe so much to them.

But my mom bitches about how Ash will never know her father, or her brother, or any other siblings she will have through him, or any of his family. She sides with him, believes what he said about it. That nothing like that ever happened and he never laid a hand on me. Then, he admitted to her to raping me, she told me she hugged and him and told him it was alright, she didn’t blame him, and then let him stay with her. She still defends him and his actions.

I may need help with Ash in the fall, but it is not worth this shit. When she goes back to Wisconsin for her shit, I hope that damn car breaks down.

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