Friday, April 13, 2012

I don't like this...

As some know, I have a daughter who just turned 5 a month ago. When she was about 14 months old, during a checkup, her doctor first stated that Ash didn't seem to be developing at a normal right. She still was not walking, and had only just started standing on her own. The thought had been in the back of my mind, but being mom and not wanting anything wrong with my child, I had ignored it. She recommended referring Ashley to a developmental program because of physical delays. I postponed, because I wanted to see if Ash would start on her own. By June, she hadn't. The referral was sent. Ash started walking July 4th of that year, about a week after the referral was sent, but I decided to let the program at least evaluate her because I had growing concerns about Ash not doubling her birth weight yet and she had started to bang her head on the floor and wall and didn't show signs of pain. On July 30th of 2008, they evaluated her. After the tests, they determined that she did not need physical therapy, but they felt she had some sensory issues and noticed a language delay. She began speech and occupational therapy almost immediately. On April 22nd of 2009, she was given an evaluation by the Early Childhood Evaluation Program. The evaluation team found that there was no clear cut diagnosis for her delays or underlying causes without further testing. They did state that she has developmental delays, which include a speech delay and Sensory Processing Disorder. The evaluators also noted that they had never seen or heard of a child like Ashley with the wide range of sensory issues she had. Since, she's been in different programs and recieving therapy for them. She finally got an MRI, it had been the hope of those involved with her case that it would give us some answers as to what was going on, but it was clean and gave us no new insight. Next year she goes to kindergarten. Today I had an IEP meeting with her teacher, her speech therapist, an IEP specialist, a regular kindergarten teacher, and a special education kindergarten teacher. Although the sensory is no longer an issue, the speech still is. She still has deficits in the areas of expressive and receptive language, communication, and social-emotional skills related to language and communication. We've requested that she have an early re-evaluation before her scheduled one in July of 2013. Until then, next year she will be placed in a regular classroom and then moved to a special ed classroom for reading and math. No matter how much time has passed, no matter how many times they tell me that everything will get easier... it doesn't. It still hurts. I have so much guilt surrounding all of this. It doesn't get easier, it gets harder. There are still days when, I just can't do it. People wonder why I take on as many projects as I do, why I keep busy all the time. Why I'm currently making about 5 different crochet projects, painting 3 different paintings (and planning more), reading about 7 books, and all on top of my classes, Ashley's doctor appointments, and all these meetings for everything. I can't be alone with my thoughts. I just can't.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Pet peeve

So this is going to be a rant centered around one of my biggest pet peeves.

As some know, I post regularly in a forum, and I love it. Most of the people are great and supportive, but there are a few... well... fuck being nice, they're dumbasses. Most of the ones that piss me off are the young teen girls who go on and on about when they get pregnant blah blah blah or the guys (who don't have kids and aren't in relationships) that are 100% against abortion and birth control. But today... it's the non parents and some parents.

The topic under discussion is discipline and where the line is between discipline and abuse. This quickly turned into a spanking is bad-blah-blah-whinny-bullshit-shut the fuck up kinda thing.

Now... I believe in discipline, if that includes spanking, have at it! Everyone is different, every kid is different, every parent is different. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I admit that I sometimes will spank Ash. I know sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes just the threat works. As she gets older it's easier to talk to her about her behavior and correct it that way. It's also getting easier to reward good behavior because she is starting to grasp more social constructs. I don't know if that's the right word, and I really don't give a shit right now.

But what gets me... what pisses me the fuck off... Is all the non parents that do the whole, "when I have kids I would never..." blah blah crap. Yeah, when you have kids. Sure. Of course you'll be a great parent and your children will be perfect little angels and never have any problems and you'll just be one big happy family with no problems at all and will just be nothing but smiles! Good for you! Now, go have kids, and talk to me in a few years. Let's see how much shit you keep hiden and swept under the rug.

But the ones that are parents and say that shit... it's like... Good for you! Would you like a cookie? I'll make sure to send you a card that says "Congratulations on being a better parent than I am! I can only hope to be just like you!"

Or the ones (both groups of self righteous dumbasses) that go on and on about how if they were in my shoes... Are you volunteering to care for my child and have it a go? No? Then shut the fuck up and mind your own fucking business. Oh, you do what to have a go at it? Not so easy now was that? Of course it's because I've already tainted the child and if she had been with you since birth she would be much better. Would you like a cookie?

Seriously... Oh the various gods and goddesses please do not let the self righteous dumbasses reproduce! And if they already have, lets expose their skeletons.